Tuesday, November 8, 2011

As The World Turns

Fashion tip #213: Match your clothing to your furniture for maximum stylish lounging. 

I loved this printed cotton fabric so much that I bought a couple bolts of it. The only problem is that originally it was purple and white, and if you've been paying any attention at all you will have noticed that I'm currently on a blue, pink, and red kick. I had a feeling that the print would still show through if I dyed it, so I dyed a few yards each Cherry Red and Evening Blue. I couldn't decide which I liked more, so indecision prompted me to use both colors together.

If soap opera's have taught us anything, it's that a memorable exit is just as important as ones entrance, so I opened up the back at the shoulder blades, and appliqued some of the contrasting flowers on to the lower back. This way you wont have to toss the remainder of your cocktail into anyones face, OR slam the door off it's hinges on your way out. You can just politely bid your adieu's and go. Unless of course you have just discovered that your fiance has a two year old love child with your estranged mother, pilfered your entire fortune, and crashed your yacht again...then by all means make a scene.

That not-so-random thought popped into my head because I recently heard that soap operas will be all but kaput within the next few years. I've never watched them as an adult, but as a kid they definitely provided many a good plot line which were played out by my dear friends Barbie and Ken and that little conniving slut Skipper. I also have fond memories of sitting in the kitchen with my sister Gail 'practicing' our soap acting skills by slamming full glasses of water on the table in utter amazement/disgust/anger over and over again until we had it right, or more likely; til we heard mom's car drive up. Then the mad rush to clean up the sopping wet floor before she could open the front door would begin.

Oh the memories. Thank you daytime soap gods for shaping my childhood and making me what I am today: The well dressed mistress of an oil tycoon, with a secret past and a penchant for sleeping pills and sequins. I kid, I kid. Sequins are scratchy and they chaff my armpits. The funny thing is it doesn't really matter where you put the punctuation in that long sentence up above. The oil tycoon is just as likely to have a secret past and addiction to sequins as much as his mistress is.

Sigh. Goodbye and farewell soaps. I pray you all go out with a proper crash, slap, or bang and finish with the dramatic close-up that you deserve.